A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
