everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
this hospital has no fireball
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
