He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
