Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
