Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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