I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
