This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
