Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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