Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
