Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
