What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize