So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
