"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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