For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
