We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i now understand why vodka
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
