he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
