I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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