sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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