My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
