This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
