theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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