I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
