I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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