Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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