If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
