I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
