i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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