She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
