I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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