I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
