He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize