Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
