Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
