I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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