you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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