thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
