I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
