In the future we'll all be gay
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
