What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
farters have to be the big spoon...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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