3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
