And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We need to get me chipped asap
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
