dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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