Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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