Got a toothbrush?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize