I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
