This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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