I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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