I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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