I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
