Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
