Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
