look no pants
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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