I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
dude. I can hear the air.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
