She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
