so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
