I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize