On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
