at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
