How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize