the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you win again, gameday.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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