this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
