you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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