...so i touched it.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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