we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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