So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
