Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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