Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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