Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
