the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize