I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize