Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
