im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
