I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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