I want to make a zoo with you.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize